It's funny how life changes in the blink of an eye. I truly find myself meditating on the past year, and it never ceases to astonish me at how much we miss when time glides swiftly by. And especially this year, time always felt as if it were in a tug-of-war in the thick of it all, but there are a multitude of moments I now remember as I sit and reflect. Let's take a trip down memory lane, shall we?

May 18, 2019

Love is stupid. I've been on so many failed attempts at a date - let us not forget the psycho who broke every dating rule known to man - why would this be any different? Well, I know why. This man seems to actually care. You see, he opened conversation with casual banter about dinner and a movie. I was intrigued by his inviting smile, and I noticed a few faces in his photos from my high school days, which made me think I might know him. While this fact - familiar faces - made me a bit skeptical, I decided to encourage conversation.

One of the first qualities that caught my eye was his ability to write. Yes, as an English nut, the first thing I looked at was etiquette when crafting thoughts. He joked with self-deprecating ease and showed a little piece of his heart with every story and insight into his life, his journey.

Not soon after our incessant chatting and daily snapchat streaks, we decided to go on a date. Now, it may seem odd that the first date consisted of me basically inviting a "stranger" to my house to cook dinner with me and watch a Marvel movie, but I decided to take my chances. Plus, we had already established that we went to school together throughout our childhood, but fate never allowed us the opportunity to cross paths ... until now.

When I opened the door, a thousand-watt smile met my nervous gaze, and I could tell he was anxious. His eyes did not leave mine until the movie, which we'll get to in a moment. I remember he was wearing shorts, a polo, and flip flops, and I could not get over how wonderful he smelled. But, I was still skeptical.

While we were able to chat for hours on end through the median of a phone screen, I wanted to make sure that translated to in-person connections. During dinner, we simply made conversation about our summer plans, and when he learned I would be traveling to Sanibel Island in mid July, his whole demeanor perked up even more because as it turned out, so would he.

Again, my mind was telling me to remain timid, but my heart was saying, "it's okay to feel some type of way on day one." When dessert and dishes were cleared, we settled on the couch to watch that movie he promised in our first conversation. But first, he read me a poem, a poem I still have to this day because it meant so much to me that he would craft such artistic flare after knowing me for 0.3 seconds. And then, he kissed me. I'll never forget how polite he was by asking first because no one had ever done that before. I was so used to the take mentality that courtesy seemed and sounded so foreign.

Then the movie began ... and of course I fell asleep a quarter of the way through. I couldn't help it, ladies and gents. It was late, I'm a grandma, and I was comfortable. More importantly, I felt safe. But, my dear readers, falling asleep made it appear that I didn't care about our date. You see, it made it seem like I wasn't interested, and because I have always shielded my heart before letting it feel, I decided to air on the side of caution and display my apprehensions.

Our first date turned into a conversation until 3 a.m. with a lot of tears from me, and sullen confused expressions from him. My lack of a fairytale spark made him feel worthless, but somehow, when he left at 3 a.m., we were on good terms. I had miraculously convinced him that I just needed to know he had good intentions. He read my nonexistent poker face and encouraged me to talk it out, and I could not be more grateful that he ultimately took a chance on my crazy persona. I will never live that first date down.

Last Summer

The entirety of last summer had a bittersweet air surrounding every excursion, every moment. Sunday drives and shopping trips, binge watching movies and shows together, hiking, strawberry picking, swimming, bowling, beach trips, NYC trips, Knoebles, and more filled my summer with so much joy. I never truly believed I would find someone to make me feel special, to love every aspect and fiber of my being, and to see me without judgement. He did, even though I warned him that once August arrived, I would be heading to Ohio to start my first year teaching. He decided he was willing to see this through, and early into our relationship, I knew he was the other half of my soul.

When it was finally time for me to leave, the unease built up to the brink, and saying goodbye in his house after a day in New York almost broke me. The 15 minute drive home was filled with my sobs because I wasn't ready to face life again on my own. Leaving was the hardest decision for me because I put 313 miles between us, and I felt like it might destroy what we had.

The School Year

A long distance relationship coupled with trying to create a curriculum for 6 different classes my first year teaching, almost broke me once again. When the distance began, we both thought we would be able to handle a few weeks apart at a time. However, a month or so into the school year, I had my first break down. It was most likely an anxiety attack, and Mr. Know-it-All had to drive 3 hours to me after already driving 2 to a Penn State game to comfort me for 12 hours before having to drive all the way home. From that point forward, we knew we wouldn't survive the year without seeing each other every weekend, alternating road trips.

This saved me. I was able to take on the challenge of a first year teaching because I knew every Friday, the same smiling face, familiar smell, and all consuming hug would greet me at the door. We made so many memories in my apartment watching Penn State away games and screaming at the top of our lungs at bad calls by the refs or terrible plays by the offense. We went shopping, found new and interesting places to eat, attended mass together, and took many a trip to State College.

When I would drive home, we spent quiet weekends together, took trips with our families, and soaked in as much time together as we could. This is what kept me going when work bogged me down or homesickness drained me.

As the year progressed, I got more involved in school activities, and it made me so happy to see my students flourish in the extra curriculars they loved. In March, however, my first year teaching got turned completely on its head. This was when quarantine took the world by storm, and every professional decision was made weekly because no one had the answers. While this left me with more uncertainties, I knew I needed to tackle quarantine at home. So, I packed for 3 weeks, and went home. Each week after, an extension was added to isolation until finally, state officials called for a shutdown of schools for the remainder of the academic year. At this point, I made the decision to move home for good, and Mr. Know-it-All and my parents helped me clear out the apartment with many memories in one day during a global pandemic.

To say I was happy, is an understatement. Now, I don't want this to be misconstrued as a sentiment that I hated my job and preferred remote teaching. In fact, my sentiments favored the opposite. I was called to the field of education because I thrive - just as much as the students- on in-person instruction. Banter, rapport, and interaction make education so much more fruitful. But, every time I came home or Mr. Know-it-All left me, a piece of my heart left with him. On a personal level, I was a shell, and when I came home, even though my professional world was tipped upside down, I was happy and overjoyed. I quickly realized that I needed to think about my future. As questions raced through my head and my nighttime prayers were consumed with pleadings for guidance, I finally found my answer.

I felt in my heart that I needed to stay home and further my career closer to where Mr. Know-it-All's career path was leading him. This was not some decision I made on the fly; it wracked my brain for months, and it weighed heavily in my heart. I will never forget this first year - all my students, their growth and creativity, the professional relationships I've built, and the school spirit and community I'm sad to leave. But that's the thing about teaching - those moments and memories never leave you. They will never leave me.

I grew so much this year in my career knowledge, pedagogy, technological platforms, and subjects. I fell in love with teaching literature and guiding my students to a similar appreciation. They pushed me to be a better reflective practitioner, and I will always remember these experiences as I build my professional portfolio. And, as the year comes to a close, I find myself reminding my students of how much they have grown academically and how they have blessed my life this year. Making a send-off video made my decision more real, but I know it was the right choice, and I am honored they are the first stop on my professional path.

May 17, 2020

As the school year winds down in the next week or so, I find myself stressing about the world as it is now and the world as it will be come fall. But, I trust in His guidance as I proceed this summer.

However, today marks one year since that first, almost disastrous, date. While I don't particularly like to remember that day because of how I acted, I cannot believe it has been 365 days since Mr. Know-it-All and I began our journey together, a rocky road, but a road that was worth going down. It has been such a wonderful trek through distance; in fact, the distance made us stronger in our bond.

But today is special, not just because it is our one year anniversary, but because I was told to be ready at 1 p.m. and the rest would be revealed to me in due time. Of course my morning consisted of a lazy lounge with my coffee, but fate would not let me get through this special day without at least one disaster. When Mr. Know-it-All isn't here at my house, I like to wear his gigantic slippers around the house, and on this particular day, I happened to trip. His size 13 men's compared to my size 8 women's foot didn't bode well for my equilibrium because I tripped and slammed my left hand into the door frame. Immediately, my hand began to bruise, and I spent the next two hours icing my hand.

When Mr. Know-it-All finally arrived and my hand had gone down in swelling, my surprise began. First, I gave him my gift to him after 365 days of knowing me. I learned that Penn State merchandise is always a win, along with a few gag gifts along the way. Plus, I always incorporate a few sentimental gifts, like poems, embroidered sweatshirts, etc.

But then my surprise began. You see, his creativity and thoughtful nature knows no bounds because he made a board game for us to play that highlighted some of our favorite moments from the last year of our lives. We ate Creamery ice cream while watching that same movie from the first date. We set up plastic bowling pins in my hallway, and he beat me in a five round match. We went "strawberry picking" to craft a poem that intertwined some of the most iconic lines from each poetic expression from the last year. We had a dance party, and we reminisced about all of our favorite moments. And yet, the game only built to something much bigger.

After the movie, dinner arrived with a few familiar guests- his parents. When I walked outside, I timidly stood in the doorway because I knew something was fishy here. As I stood in the doorway, he pulled up a video that brought sobs to the forefront. This video captured moments when our love for each other shinned the brightest, and he timed it to the song that embodies us to a tee, Better Together.

When the video concluded, and we hugged for a minute, he got down on one knee. My first reaction was shock, which then led me to get one quick punch in before saying yes. This was the happiest moment in my life, and I cannot believe that I get to become Mrs. Know-it-All, a feat not many could acquire, but I think I'm the woman for the job.

And that's The Truth About Coffee. There have been many ups and downs this year, but coffee has gotten me through with Mr. Know-it-All's unfailing presence through thick and thin. Until next time ...